So, when I first started this blog, I just thought how much fun I would have writing down my thoughts, dreams, ideas, whatever really. But, I've learned that sometimes blogging just stresses me out. There are times that I so badly want to articulate what's going on in my life or mind but really don't know how to write it. Or, sometimes I have a really hard time just being vulnerable and putting my thoughts and feelings out on the table. Like now. Life hasnt been easy lately. My family has experienced,and is still experiencing, a lot of tough stuff. And I've had a hard time processing it and dealing with it. I like life to be easy and to feel happy. So, what happens when it's not and I don't? I stuff it all inside and keep on going with life. Maybe it's a pride thing, maybe I'm just stubborn. Or let me rephrase that- it is a pride thing, and I am stubborn.
Something I've come to realize over my 26 years is that God didn't create us to be happy. That's hard to hear but let me say it again...God did not create us to be happy. He created us to be holy. And the two don't always mesh. If we lived happy perfect lives, how could we go through fire to be refined? How could we appreciate true joy without having to experience trials? I would be way too dramatic if I said that I wasn't experiencing any happiness in my life right now. I can't help but to be happy when I think of all the blessings in my life. But, there are moments when I just want to (and do sometimes) break down and cry. And, I think that's ok in the eyes of God. He created us with emotion and wants us to be broken so we come to Him. I'm probably rambling but I think moments like this are why I created a blog. To be real. To be honest. To ramble...
Let me end with part of an email that my dad sent to his church this week. I think this is what I've been trying to say in a nutshell...what a wise man!
"God is bigger and He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Does this mean that nothing can go wrong? Not at all, but because of the goodness and the love of our God for His children, I am in His hands and there is no better place to be."