Wednesday, October 26, 2011

loving on purpose

This post could very well be a rambling, jumbled mess of what's going through my mind right now. For a few days, I have been wanting to blog but every time I would try to sit down and write, it just didn't come out right. So, I'm apologizing in advance. It's just that there has been a lot of lessons I have been learning lately. And it all boils down to this...what does it really mean to love a child?
Let me tell you how this all started. One thing we were taught in our foster care licensing classes is that, quite truthfully, most parents (no matter how horrible the circumstances) love their children. Love is not really the issue. What they did not tell us is foster care classes is that one of our greatest challenges as a foster parent is not simply to love the children (that comes naturally) but how to love in a way that you teach the children in turn how to love as well. We have had the opportunity to spend some time with the bio parents of our foster children and it is clear to me that, while they certainly love their children, they were never taught the appropriate way to love. They are simply a product of their environment. And, out of courtesy to them, I will leave it at that.
A friend and mentor of mine from church gave me the book "Loving Your Kids on Purpose". The idea for the book came out the author's experiences working with foster parents. As most of you know, we cannot spank by state law. The book gives alternate ways of discipline that all focus around loving your child. Because discipline is a form of love. I have learned that disciplining to make myself feel better (basically out of anger) will not work. But, if Chris and I can discipline with the sole intent of showing the children the love and respect they deserve, it works much better. Love is a tangible thing. It absolutely must be shown and not just spoken of. Love gives respect but also commands respect back from the child. Loving discipline will teach the children integrity and how to handle difficult situations with grace. Love treats the child as a beloved child of God and not as a thing to be controlled. For another blogger's (more articulate) review of this book, take a look here.
The children in our home right now need to learn so much- their colors, numbers, letters, animal sounds, etc. And while those things are important, Chris and I have an opportunity right now to teach the kids what real love looks like. We have the opportunity to model love in our interactions both with each other and the kids. Real, tangible, Christ-like love. Love that never gives up. Love that perseveres. Love that will not leave them no matter where their life circumstances take them. And that real love is Jesus.
Sometimes, when the day has been long and the kids are cranky, we lose our patience. We yell, we snap, or we ignore. What we need to do is remember that this precious time that the kids are with us, may be the only time they see Jesus modeled in their home. That's a heavy task, will you pray for us?

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