Honesty

When Chris and I became foster parents 10 months ago I had great aspirations about blogging about the whole process.  But guess what...it hasn't happened.  For one, I honestly just don't have time.  Who knew that being a mommy to two four year olds while working full time could be so time consuming??  But mostly, I just haven't blogged because it's hard to do.  It's hard to put into words what we have felt for almost the past year.  I want my blog to be helpful and inspiring to others but too many times I have felt like I was the one needing help and inspiration.  To be perfectly honest, I was not ready to become a "parent" when I did.  I had a lot I still needed to work through myself and the first few months were hard.  Chris was pretty much a "single parent".  I vividly remember one night crying for hours because I was so entirely overwhelmed by the whole thing.  I remember selfishly thinking that we had lost our "freedom" and that our marriage would never be the same.  But, looking back, I know I was just so afraid.  I was afraid of getting attached and getting my heart broken.  Not to sound overly dramatic but I have experienced heartbreak.  But, I knew, and still know, that losing a child would be far worse than any "breakup" could ever be.  So, I distanced myself- emotionally and physically.  I can still remember days that I would take the long way home from work just to have a few more "alone" minutes. Ok, I realize I'm not exactly putting myself in the best light but I also know that what I experienced is probably not extremely different than other young foster mothers.

One night I was having a particularly hard night and I can remember Chris sitting on the bed and crying with me. He let me have my pity party and then looked me straight in the eyes and said "This isn't about you, Abbie.  It's about two little boys who need a home".  Wow.  That was like salt in my wounds at that moment but honestly, a switch flipped in me.  I realized that no matter how uncomfortable the situation made me, it was not about me.  We are called to look after the orphans and I may have been physically doing that but not emotionally.  It took me a while but those little boys went from being just in our care, to two little boys that I care deeply for.    I will be honest- there are still plenty of hard days.  When the boys act up or throw a fit, it's easy for my selfishness to come right back.  But, more often than not these days, they are just two affectionate little boys who so desperately want to be loved.  I was blinded to that at first but now it's a joy for me to be able to give them the love they deserve.  Do I still worry about what may happen?  Absolutely.  Every day.   But, when we put those little boys to bed at night and listen to them say their prayers, it makes all that we are doing worth it.  Because above all, we want to teach them the love of Jesus.  If they can learn that and it sticks with them, they will be ok no matter where they grow up.

I cannot even count the number of times over the past 10 months that people have told us "what a great thing we are doing".  That has never settled well with me because I know my heart hasn't always been it the right place.  But, I do thank the Lord that Chris and I have been given this opportunity to be a part of what HE is doing- to be the instruments He is using to change the lives of two little boys.  No matter how long it lasts, we are thankful. 

Last weekend's cakes...in pictures

5th birthday cake- classic white with vanilla buttercream

Cars themed birthday cupcakes in classic white with vanilla buttercream

Two tier devils food cake with vanilla buttercream and fondant decorations

Lingerie shower cupcakes.  Heart shaped cupcakes, vanilla buttercream, and fondant/piping gel decorations

What I'm listening to

I LOVE music.  Maybe it's because I have absolutely no musical talent and I'm just super jealous of people that do.  Or, maybe that songs seem to have a way to put into words what I just can't.  I spend a lot of time listening to music when I'm decorating cakes.  Sometimes I find myself, spatula in hand, dancing around the kitchen.  Or sometimes I find myself just stopped...savoring every word of a song.  

Anyways, Pandora is my best friend.  I love being able to plug in a song/artist that I like and hearing lots of songs just like it!  Lately I've been listening to "Casting Crowns" Pandora.  This morning, a song came on from a group called Anthem Lights.  I had not heard of the until very recently but I do enjoy their music despite the fact them they are sort of a Christian boy band ;) But, nonetheless, I love this song!  The video is a little cheesy but I love the lyrics. So, here's a little snip-it of what I've been listening to lately!

Thoughts for today...

Today I have a heavy heart.  My heavy heart comes from the responses I have heard towards the passing of Amendment One- the accusations that Christians are closed-minded and hateful.  Or, that NC did some awful thing by passing the Amendment. Normally I don't voice my opinions of politics too loudly because, to be quite honest, I don't think people's minds are going to be changed by a blog post or a Facebook post.  But, I can't help but speak up.  Marriage is not an issue that can be taken lightly.  We as Christians are called to love God and love people and I believe that voting for this amendment was the loving thing to do.  By voting yes, I was not stating that I hated those in a homosexual relationship but rather I was stating that marriage is a God ordained relationship that exists between one man and one woman and is the closest earthly example we have of God and His church.  The government did not define marriage- God did.  If we change something so fundamental to our society how are we then to understand Christ-like love?  How do we explain that to our children or our children's children if the marriage covenant is distorted?  A marriage of one man and one woman has been the building block of this society and the proven healthiest way to rear children.  This would be lost if God's design of marriage is also lost.

Please know that I believe with all my heart that God calls us to love those who may be homosexual or who struggle with same-sex attraction even though we may not understand.  We should not condone their actions but nonetheless we are to love them with a John 15:13 type of love.  Didn't Christ lay down his life for those very people?  Fundamentally we are all alike- sinners in need of a Savior.

Let me end with a quote from a pretty well known pastor here in NC.  I think this about sums it up and articulates what I am trying to say far better than I ever could:

"Influencing our government to be more fair, moral, and just in its laws is what Jesus meant by being salt and light, and He commanded us to do it. But again, governmental laws are not, by a long shot, our primary domain. We, the church, are a new community, a separate one, “called out” to be strangers and aliens, the Apostle Peter says, to showcase the kingdom of God in our midst. Thus our primary mission is to serve our community, to “wash their feet,” to lay down our lives for them, and to preach Jesus to all.

That is our real mission, and we need to get to it."

28 years...

So, last Thursday I celebrated my 28th birthday.  It was a great day.  Thank you to my co-workers, family, and husband for making the day so special.  I'm praying for 28 to be a great year!!

As you can see, I did NOT make my own birthday cake...but I did receive three!  Clearly, I have eaten a LOT of cake over the past few days... 

Yummy chocolate cake from my sweet co-workers!

Ice cream cake from my hubby.  He admitted this was a little more for him than me (cookies and cream is his favorite).  But,as you can see, we have both enjoyed it!

Another cake I received at work.  Strawberry filled, yum!

Patio furniture from Chris...now we can enjoy our back deck!

And my day ended with this picture text from my sweet family in PA.  If you can't see, my cousins are holding sheets that say "Happy birthday Abbie".  I just love my family!

 

 

 

 

Alison's baby shower

Last weekend I had the pleasure of hosting a baby shower for my good friend Alison who is due with a baby boy, Gray Christopher, in June.  I had so much fun planning for this...thanks Pinterest for all the good ideas!  I think it will be best described with pictures!  Here you go:

Not a great picture but I loved the set up with the balloons above the table!  Once again, thank you Pinterest!

We had a LOT of food!

Amazing elephant sugar cookies made by Stephanie.  They were delicious!

 Baby boy's monogram and cake!

Close up of the cake...one of my favorites so far

Water bottle labels, one of my favorite "touches"

Momma to be and my wonderful co-host, Lindsey

Onesies and baby picture clothesline

Diaper cake...great job Alex!

Congratulations again Alison!  I can't wait to meet baby Gray!